


Finding My Way Back to Who I Was Always Meant to Be

by overkill_max



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Kara Danvers Has a Crush on Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor is with Veronica until she isn't, Lena Luthor-centric, Lillian Luthor tries to be a good mom, alternate season 2, supercorp will rise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overkill_max/pseuds/overkill_max
Summary: Lena craves the love and affection she’s slowly been getting from the woman that was cold to her for most of her life. Board members that were downright hostile to her are suddenly agreeing with her without a second thought. Her relationship with Veronica Sinclair is finally going in a positive direction. On paper her life should be perfect. But she feels torn between this glimpse of what she always wanted her life to be and knowing that this house of cards will fall, and she needs to figure out if she’s going to fall with it or do the right thing…OrAn alternative take on Season 2 that is more Lena Luthor centric.





	1. I Can’t Ignore the Way You Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> Supercorp will get together… but not at the beginning… so stay patient and thirsty my friends

Kara is perched on the edge of her seat at Noonan’s. Her fingers are drumming out an inconsistent beat on the table. Her teeth are painfully biting at her bottom lip as she tries to do something to stop herself from drinking the third cup of coffee she ordered. Today is the day. She nods to herself and tries to calm herself down.

It works for a second because when she spots Lena’s driver opening the door to her town car and offering his hand to help her step onto the sidewalk, her eyes travel up Lena’s legs and she feels anxious all over again.

She swallows down the lump in her throat. Thinking that Alex probably lied when she told her that if she could beat villains her cousin could never take down, then surely asking someone out couldn’t be tougher. Because Lena comes into Noonan’s and the minute their eyes meet and her friend smiles at her, she knows that there’s nothing harder than admitting her feelings.

Kara tries to wave back to her friend/crush but she’s so frazzled that her knees hit the edge of the table and her cups of coffee go flying everywhere. As she’s trying to steady the table she hears Lena laugh from across the room and her heart flutters. Lena smiles when their eyes meet again and even though she’s blushing from the embarrassment her friend’s eyes are soft and Kara thinks she can be brave today.

 

Lena points to the cash register and tilts her head to the side, Kara smiles and nods.

 

While she’s gone, Kara smooths down her sweater and cleans up the mess she made. Needing to keep her hands busy to stop them from shaking.

 

Lena’s name is called out and she makes her way to their table with a low chuckle. “Kara Danvers, graceful as ever.” Kara blushes and pushes her glasses back onto her face. “Lena Luthor, always willing to rescue a friend in need of caffeine.” Lena chuckles and hands her the warm cup. Their hands brush and just like that the nerves she was feeling before are multiplied. Her stomach is in knots.

“Well you know us Luthors, when we’re not building a new hospital wing we like to give to the community by buying overpriced coffee.” Kara laughs and when Lena smiles at her she knows that she would do anything for that smile.

 

“Thank you… but I didn’t ask you here to get a hospital wing out of you…” Kara starts and Lena smiles fondly. “Of course not. Just the free coffee then?” Kara blushes and pushes air behind her ears, as if she forgot her hair was up today because of how nervous she is around Lena. “Well yes… that and I actually… I mean… I wanted to ask you… there’s a bar and my sister.” Lena laughs at her friend’s rambling and Kara blushes. Maybe being brave at this whole feelings thing is harder than punching bad guys.

Taking a deep breath she tries again.

“I mean… there’s this bar that my sister likes, and I think you’d like it too, so I guess I was wondering if you’d like to go there with me sometime? Like maybe this Friday night?” Lena smiles down at the table and nods. “Kara, of course I’ll go out to this bar with you.”

 

Kara’s body floods with relief. Feeling lighter than she does when she’s floating. “Great! I was so nervous to ask you out… I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of date you’d like, and I hope you like this bar… it’s not too intimidating so I think it’s perfect for something low key… unless you want something nicer… Oh golly you’re probably used to expensive things like lobster dinners with champagne and —”

Lena frowns and shakes her head. Kara stops rambling and looks down at her hands. Feeling stupid because of course someone like Lena Luthor would want one of those restaurants that Cat Grant always went to. The ones with months on a waiting list and celebrities. She’s about to take back the whole bar idea when Lena breaks the silence between them first.

“Kara… I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression about us… but my relationship with Veronica is monogamous.”

Kara blushes at how stupid she feels. All this time, the looks, the touches. The staying late at the office to talk and hang out… she never realized that Lena wasn’t single.

Lena is about to ask her friend what made her think that she would be open to dating her when Kara answers that very question as she’s blushing and looking chastised. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know you had a girlfriend... whenever we hung out and stuff you never mentioned Veronica… but I mean… of course someone as amazing as you wouldn’t be single.”

Lena stares at her friend in confusion before realization dawn upon her and it’s her turn to feel embarrassed. In all the months that she’d been cultivating a friendship with Kara, she’d failed to mention her girlfriend.

“Oh.”

“Yeah… sorry. I wouldn’t have asked you out if I knew you were in a relationship…” Kara’s shoulders slump and she wishes an earthquake would strike National City so that the earth could swallow her whole.

She googled Lena and Veronica’s names together and she saw a picture of them at some fancy Luthor gala and her heart constricted. Veronica looked like the type of person who would ask Lena out on a proper date. Not some dingy bar. She was the type of person that belonged with someone like Lena Luthor. She felt herself shrink. “Some reporter I am… I never even thought about googling you, but here you guys are… first result and everything…” Kara says as she waves her phone in Lena’s face.

“Kara, I…” Lena wants to apologize because now she can see why this misunderstanding happened in the first place. Her friend cuts her off. “It’s fine, really. You guys look very happy together… Veronica seems like an incredible woman… I mean she has to be, right? She’s with you.”

Lena smiled at that. Relieved that even though she inadvertently led her friend on, Kara wasn’t lashing out at her.

“Thank you for saying that, Kara. You’re a good friend.” Kara felt her heart break at the word ‘friend.’ She tried to smile at Lena and even though she knew it was clear that she wasn’t okay, she appreciated that Lena didn’t press her on it.

“You really are a very special person Lena and I’m glad that you still want to be friends. Because your friendship is very important to me… and don’t worry, I’ll get over myself.”

“No, I—” Before she can continue Kara’s phone starts vibrating and Alex’s picture is flashing on the screen. “Sorry Lena, I have to take this… thanks for the coffee, I’ll catch up with you later.”

 

//

 

That night, as Lena sits in her apartment and pours herself a drink, she thinks back to the first couple of meetings she had with Kara Danvers. She didn’t think much of the awkward and bumbling girl trailing behind the legendary Clark Kent. She was too worried about the disapproval she felt coming off in waves from him to take a second look at Kara.

It was when she was off again with Veronica. Or maybe they were on again. Lena doesn’t really know. What she does know is that she failed to register how flustered she made Kara during these meetings. She didn’t pick up on how much Kara liked her, even though looking back at some of their interactions before, she wonders how she could have missed all the signs.

She blamed Clark Kent. His midwestern charm and good looks that made her skin crawl. She knew it was an act. Not the whole being nice. He probably could be very pleasant, but he always seemed to ignore her whenever Lex was around. Barely acknowledging the fact that they knew each other until she could be used as a source for the story that would take her brother down.

Although she agreed that Lex needed to be stopped, she never liked how Clark Kent had turned out to be less genuine than she made him out to be. He was exactly like everyone else in her life. Unwilling to befriend her when they could have Lex’s friendship. Only wanting to be near her when they thought she could give them something in return for a reluctant friendship.

Kara Danvers had been different.

Lena realizes that Kara had liked her from the beginning. Developing a crush since the day she teased her about not seeing her name on the by-line. But she’d never tried to cross the line. She was always her friend first.

She sighs and downs her glass.

Everything would have been so much easier if Kara didn’t have these feelings for her… then again… she wonders why she never told her about Veronica. They’d been friends for months and she’d never brought her up. All the late nights when they gossiped. Falling asleep in Kara’s apartment after a movie marathon… all the times they talked about their families and Veronica never once came up.

Even though it’s a little too late to take it all back, Lena knows that she didn’t tell Kara because deep down, even when she didn’t let herself see it, she still liked being desired. Lena liked the idea of being with someone like Kara. Someone that was sweet and liked Lena for Lena. Not for the Luthor name or fortune. Her shoulders drop and she rubs her face with her hands.

“What a fucking mess.”

She says aloud before pouring herself another drink.

 

//

 

The next time they meet for lunch it’s so painfully awkward that Jess says something under her breath as Kara leaves.

Lena frowns and asks her to repeat herself a little louder. Jess’ face turns a dark shade of red but she doesn’t back down. She stares Lena right in the eyes and waits until the doors to the elevator close before she repeats herself.

“Like I tried to discreetly say to myself, poor girl, she not only has a crush on you but I’m guessing she stupidly said something to you while you were on again with Ms. Sinclair?”

Lena blushes.

Jess continues.

“I only say this because usually, when I interrupt your time with Ms. Danvers I’m shooed away like re-scheduling a meeting with investors from all over the world is as easy as getting you a coffee from the break room. But today I reminded you that you have lunch with your mother, a lunch that always ends with a call to your therapist, and suddenly you couldn’t show her the door fast enough.”

“Yes… well… I mean…” Lena tries to defend herself but comes off looking like a fish out of water with the way her lips can only seem to move up and down without any words coming out of them.

 

//

 

Lunch with her mother is as painful as it’s always been.

Lillian is on her phone. Gossiping with a friend while they wait for their food to arrive. It had been like this since the limo ride over. Lillian had been texting and answering emails. Not looking up when Lena tried to engage her.

As soon as they sat down she ordered salads for them both and got on the phone with her friends once the waiter left.

Lena sighed and looked at the other tables longingly. Everyone else was engaged in conversation except her and her mother. Who could be a thousand miles away even when sitting across from her.

When the food arrived, Lillian put her phone down and criticized Lena’s latest exploits. Not the ones she heard directly from her daughter, but from other board members or even the media. Lena could feel herself shrink into herself, wishing she was back in her office. Even when Kara was being awkward, it was only because she was trying to navigate that line between being friendly and acting too friendly with someone who was unavailable to reciprocate her feelings. It had been bad but not as bad as this.

She let her mother berate her up until the waiter comes back to pour them some more wine. With someone else near them, Lillian lets up, but Lena knows it won’t last long. So, she goes onto the safest topic she knows: Veronica. The minute Lillian hears the other woman’s name, her demeanor changes. Suddenly she’s interested in Lena. Asking when Veronica is going to be back in town from her business trip, making plans to have dinner together and generally talking about how happy she is that Lena could find a woman like Veronica.

It hurts, to know that her mother only tolerates her being gay because she approves so much of her girlfriend. They always ran in the same circles, and even though she found tattoos trashy, Lillian didn’t say one word about the ones Veronica flaunted during galas.

Lena tried to smile and pretend she shared her mother’s excitement. But it felt empty. Like she was putting on a show and her mother didn’t know her enough to catch onto it. She continued drinking her wine and pushing her salad around, so it didn’t look like she’d lost her appetite halfway through their meal. Making the right noises or comments. Her phone vibrates in her purse. She ignores it. Knowing that only Lillian was allowed to be aloof during their time together.

Towards the end of their lunch, Lillian excuses herself to go to the bathroom, Lena takes her phone out and reads the texts from Kara. Apologizing for making things awkward between them and promising to work on being better about the whole thing. Lena bites her lip and looks around the restaurant before typing out a quick answer. Wanting to reassure her friend that it’s fine.

Three glasses of wine in and she can be a bit honest with herself.

Lena admitted that she wasn’t entirely honest about Veronica because she was flattered by the attention Kara gave her. It was selfish. Such a Luthor thing to do. But she couldn’t stop herself from craving it. The reporter is sweet and genuine and so kind that Lena failed to mention her girlfriend because she liked being seen for who she was, who she wanted to be. No preconceived notions about her last name or expectations on what she should be doing next.

A part of her was afraid that once Kara found out she wasn’t single; the attention would disappear and so would their friendship. She’d been down this path before. Where, without the possibility of more, people would drop off her life. Men and women have lost interest in her once they realized they wouldn’t move beyond a certain point with her. She wouldn’t be a conquest or a connection or even someone who would shower them with lavish gifts just for saying hi to her. The minute Kara figured out Lena wasn’t single, she didn’t lash out, she apologized, said she wanted to be friends because Lena was important and even though she could see how much it pained the reporter to be her friend while she was still crushing on her, she didn’t stop being the same person she was when they met.

Her mother returned while she was thinking about this and she sounded concerned. “Don’t tell me Veronica is cancelling on us.” Lena looked up and shook her head. “No, it’s not her. We’re fine. She’s fine... It’s Kara… Kara Danvers… she’s a friend, she was just apologizing for something she said earlier.” Lillian’s face went through a transformation that Lena couldn’t understand until it settled on anger. An emotion she was familiar with.

“What did she say? I can get Kitty to fire her… you know that her mother and I go way back. Kitty may not be an accomplished writer like her, but she still runs that little magazine and I’m sure I can—” Lena shook her head and laughed. It felt odd that her mother was trying to defend her against someone like Kara when she always took everyone else’s side before she would back Lena up. “No, it’s nothing like that, mother. Just, she confessed she had feeling for me and I told her I didn’t reciprocate so she was apologizing for making me feel uncomfortable.”

“Honey, it’s not your fault. You’re stunning. Of course, women would throw themselves at you… but you did the right thing by telling me… don’t worry, mommy is here and she’s going to take care of this _thing_.” Lillian held her chin up and Lena felt a surge of affection flood through her. Maybe that’s why she didn’t flinch at the vitriol Lillian injected into her sentence when she said the word ‘thing.’ Lena wouldn’t understand what her mother was talking about until months later. In that moment she took the care Lillian was giving to her for the first time and forgot about how everything in her household came tied with strings. Lena was so desperate for her mother’s love and approval that she smiled and nodded. Liking the idea that this could always be them. Pretending, for a moment, that her mother had always cared for her.

“Thank you, mother, for taking care of everything.”

“Of course, honey, I love you.”

Lena knew she was lying, because Lillian didn’t love her, but the wine in her veins made her heart foolishly hope for this to be real.

 

//

 

The night Supergirl disappear, she was meant to backup the NCPD in their pursuit of Guardian. She was midflight when a frequency hit her full force and made her ears bleed. She held her head as she felt her body heal her burst eardrums and a voice greeted her.

“Hello Kryptonian.”

“Cadmus.”

“Got it in one.” The smug voice replied. “And do you know why we call ourselves that? Cadmus was the very first Greek hero.”

“If you think you’re a hero, you’re crazier than I thought.” Kara replied. Appalled that this woman believed herself to be a hero when she was doing horrible things to off-worlders like herself.

“I’m inviting you over. We already have a guest waiting for you. Your Daxamite friend. _But if you tell anyone where you’re headed, he dies. If you refuse to come, he dies_. Come to me Supergirl. But I should warn you. In the myths, Cadmus was really only famous for one thing. He killed monsters.”

Supergirl didn’t stop to think about herself. She knew how Mon-El felt. Scared and alone in a world that was overwhelming. She couldn’t do that to someone else. Abandon them. No matter how much he got on her nerves, he deserved to be saved. He deserved another chance to continue to grow into a better person. Maybe he couldn’t be a hero like her, but he could start over in a planet that saved so many aliens like her. Aliens without a home to go back to. Untethered to the worlds that birthed them.

She flies straight into danger, knowing it was a trap, because Supergirl knew that no one deserved to feel scared.

Breaking through the window and bracing herself against the ground, she takes a minute to get her bearings. She hopes she made the right choice.

 

//

 

Kara doesn’t know how long her and Mon-El have been down here. Time is a hard concept to tell without being able to see a clock or the days go by with the setting and rising of the sun.

They don’t get much food or water. She feels weak, but she refuses to give up hope. Her sister knows she’s missing. If she can’t figure something out on her own, Alex will find her, she always does.

 

//

 

It’s been a couple of days and Lena hasn’t heard back from Kara. She’s sent her text messages and left her voice mails but nothing.

Radio silence and she understands that Kara was just like the others.

She’s looking out the window, feeling sorry for herself, when the doors to her office burst open.

“Where is she?”

Lena turns around, ready to face her attacker when she sees a distraught Alex Danvers looking around the room. Comically searching behind her desk and underneath the pillows of her couch.

“Where is who, Agent?” Lena asks while trying to regain her composure. They’re at odds. The calmer she feels the more the woman in front of her seems to be unraveling with each passing second.

“My sister. Her apartment is empty, untouched in days. She hasn’t reported into work… her phone just goes to voicemail…she was supposed to help out a friend… but she never showed up… and that’s not like her. It’s not like her at all.” Her shoulders drop with disappointment. “I’m sorry that I burst in here but… she just talks about you so much and I know it’s stupid but I hoped that she was safe and happy because she was with you… I knew it was a long-shot, but I had to try… I need to find my sister.”

Lena’s heart drops. She feels stupid and guilty at not having noticed that her friend was missing. She wasn’t being blow off because she couldn’t give Kara what she wanted. Her friend was missing and in danger and all she could do was drink and feel sorry for herself.

“Don’t worry Agent. I’ll have some of my people find her.” She tried to reassure Alex, who scoffed.

“I work for a federal agency and I haven’t been able to find her. What makes you think _your people_ will?” She asked petulantly.

“Precisely because you work for an agency… my people don’t have such trivial constraints as following the law and respecting people’s constitutional rights… I know it’s not going to be entirely on the up-and-up, but I really want to find my friend.” Alex nods and grabs one of her pads of paper off her desk. “Thank you… here, if you find anything, let me know. I don’t care what time. Just call me.” Lena takes the paper and nods.

 

//

 

The door opens and instead of one of their captors throwing water at them or bits of food against the bars of their cells, it’s a woman. She’s tall and dangerous. It thrums beneath her skin. Like an animal, waiting to be let out. She is so dangerous, but her eyes are so familiar that Kara feels herself suffocating with the knowledge of why she feels like she could fall in love with eyes like those.

“I’ve seen you before. In Lena Luthor’s office. What were you doing there?” Supergirl asks, afraid of hearing the answer she already knows.

“I might ask you the same. I don’t like the idea of you around my daughter.”

“You’re Lillian Luthor. Lex and Lena’s mother.”

“I’m a lot of things Ms. Danvers. A doctor, a patriot, a mother…”

Kara swallows down the bile she feels rising up in her throat. A woman as dangerous as Lillian Luthor knows her identity and now here she was, at her mercy. She knew she shouldn’t anger her, but she couldn’t help herself. She hated the woman standing before her for how she treated her daughter. For how dismissive she was of her. “A liar, a kidnapper, a killer. Does Lena know about Cadmus? Does she know who her mother really is?”

“And what are you to my daughter?” Lillian asks, low and dangerous.

“I’m a friend.” She answers honestly.

“I’ve heard that before. Years ago, Superman came to my son, Lex, and promised him the world. A new dawn for mankind. Lex believed him, poor thing. And then he watched as your kinsman infected this country with his propaganda, as his power became unchecked. And when Lex tried to take that power back, Superman convinced the world that Lex was evil.” Lillian was circling her cage. Barely able to contain her anger. Even while having the upper hand.

“My darling boy. My genius son. An actual Superman behind bars for life. Because you and your kind will stop at nothing to poison the Earth. To take my children from me… I know all about you and your perverted attentions… how you tried to seduce my daughter… without realizing that I would always come to my children’s aid… even with Lena being a disappointment, she is still a Luthor and you are still a danger to her. She may not see you for what you truly are, but I do. And you need to be stopped.”

Kara is hurt but she can’t let Lillian know how much she got to her. Instead, she continues to goad her on. “You’re out of your mind.”

“We’ll agree to disagree.” Lillian says, as if she had won the argument.

“So, what am I doing here?” Kara asks. Curious as to what Lillian plans to do to her for having a crush on her daughter while being an alien.

“I need something from you. I need you to be human for a little while.” She finally admits. “I know from your fight with Red Tornado, when you expel enough of your heat vision, you deplete the solar radiation in your cells, leaving you as helpless as any mere mortal.” This is where Kara notices Hank Henshaw enter the room. Carrying a visor looking device. Lillian points to it and waves him forward. “I’ve designed this helmet to absorb the radiation.”

“You want me to solar flare?” Kara asks. Not understanding why Lillian wants her to be powerless but afraid of what the woman plans to do with her. “That’s never gonna happen.”

Lillian smiles. As if Kara played right into her game, even while she refused to give in. “I can’t hurt you. But I can hurt him.” She calmly walks over to one of her many armed body guards, takes his gun from his holster and shoots at Mon-El, who quickly drops to the ground in his cell as he shouts in pain.

Kara screams his name out and tries to reach through the bars for a way to help him. But the Nth metal refuses to budge, as it had before.

“Now we’ve been studying your friend. He’s powerful, but has a very bad lead allergy.” Lillian smiles coyly at her. Knowing she already won but wanting to rub it in Supergirl’s face that she has always had the upper hand. “Say you’ll do it and I’ll let him live.”

Kara shakes her head, she can’t give Lillian what she wants.

“Or I could just put one in his heart right now.” She takes aim and Kara wants to cry.

“No! Okay, Okay! I’ll do it. Stop!” She agrees. She can’t let an innocent life be taken.

Mon-El chooses this moment to try being heroic for once. “Please. Don’t.” He asks. Even while feeling light headed.

“I’m not gonna let you die.” She reassures him.

She walks towards the front of the cage and asks for the helmet. Hoping that Lillian will keep her promise and let Mon-El live. That she’s important enough to keep alive until she can be rescued. But understanding that this could be the last thing she does. She looks at Lillian’s eyes and for a moment pictures Lena and sends a small prayer to Rao to take care of her friend before she solar flares.

 

//

 

It’s been over a week and Lena is unraveling.

She sent someone out to Midvale and Metropolis, desperate for any kind of lead. She wanted to know if Kara was out hiding among family. She didn’t know her cousin’s name in Metropolis, but she remembered mentioning he was living in that part of the country. Alex had called her as soon as her mom pepper sprayed the man she had sent to follow her and told her that although she was happy that Lena was committed to finding her sister, she should trust Alex enough to have checked with their mom first.

She apologized and told her she was frustrated with having found nothing but a cold trail.

It had gotten to the point where even Veronica couldn’t ignore how on edge she’s been.

After a while Lena admits that she’s been stressed out and could use a break. Veronica smiles and suggests that she attend one of her masquerade nights. Lena wants to say no. She thinks MMA and all those sports with guys giving each other brain damage for the benefit of the rich are barbaric, but she’s weak and eager to please Veronica. So, she readily agrees.

Lena is wearing an exquisite dress that shows off her shoulders and pretends she can’t see beyond the masks.

National City’s wealthiest citizens are all there. Heads of banks, hedge fund managers, city councilmembers, board members to LCorp and at the center of it all, her mother.

The only one who she doesn’t see is the person she came here with. Until the music dies, and she hears an ominous voice through the sound system.

“They came from beyond the stars, across the vastness of space. Light years. Parsecs. Infinite distance.” Veronica says. Forgoing a mask altogether. She has two of her bodyguards help her off the red carpet she walked in through. Never breaking her stride or her spiel.

“And why? Did they come to invade? No.” Veronica makes her way through the crowd. Captivating the audience. “Or did they come in peace? Neither. They came to entertain.”

“There are no rules in my cage tonight. No laws. Every fighter knows the risks and they are here for you.” Her back is to the cage. Cheers and applause can be heard throughout the crowd. Lena feels sick.

“Tonight, it’s triple stakes, everybody. Because we’ve got the killer Brevakk himself… Quill! And he’ll be facing M’gann M’orzz.” As her girlfriend continues to talk, the whole place seems to grow restless. Bets are placed and Lena is sure she’s going to collapse. She needs to get out of here.

Her mother’s hand touches her forearm, grounding her.

“Don’t worry honey, this isn’t even the best part… Supergirl is also here to fight… and once she’s defeated, she won’t give you any more problems.” Lena feels bile rise in her throat. Her head is spinning, and the room feels like it’s closing in on her.

 

//

 

The last round is near, and Veronica smiles coyly at the crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have an unexpected and new main event for you tonight. Something very special.”

A door opens and Supergirl comes stumbling forward. The room explodes with excitement as everyone realizes who will be fighting. People run to place bets. Heavily favoring Supergirl. National City’s darling champion.

“The Girl of Steel, the Maid of Might, the last Kryptonian female herself, Supergirl!”

The crowd looks delighted and Lena wants to run away because before she could pretend the other fighters wanted to be there. With Supergirl there, the last piece slotted into place. Now she knew why her mother adored Veronica Sinclair. They were one and the same. They both valued alien life so little that ideologically they understood each other in a way that had left her isolated from her family.

Once the bets are in and the fight begins, Supergirl starts trying to reason with Draaga.

Veronica returns and kisses Lillian’s cheek in greeting. Lena hears how her mother whispers a question and Veronica smiles in response.

Lena wants to know what is happening when the whole place seems to shake. Supergirl is thrown against the wall and struggles to remain upright.

Before it can get too out of hand, there’s a scuffle and shots are fired in the air. “POLICE!” a woman shouts with authority. Everyone scrambles in different directions.

Lena wants to go help Supergirl but her mother pushes her back towards the secret entrance they came in through. There’s blood all around Supergirl and her eyes are unfocused. She looks toward Lena and for a second her eyes soften in such a way that Lena feels it like a punch to the gut. It’s the same look Kara gives her. Supergirl shakes her head, as if trying to determine if what she saw was real, in a cowardly act Lena lets herself be led further into the crowd.

If that wasn’t enough proof that Supergirl and Kara are one and the same, Alex Danvers makes her way towards the stage. Gun in hand, shooting at the field with no success. Then she aims at the generators powering the electricity and she doesn’t stop. Even when she had witnessed how Draaga had pummeled Supergirl, she’s fearless.

Her heart constricts as she’s running away. Veronica is holding her hand, walking confidently as she reassures her men that they all made off with a big payday because at the end of the day, the Girl of Steel still lost. And her mother is close at her heels, congratulating Veronica on being able to make use of such a great opportunity and for helping her take care of her little problem.

All Lena can do is hope Kara is still alive. And that her friend didn’t recognize her behind the mask. That the universe would grant her this one mercy.


	2. Whose Hands Are These, That Chose to Betray You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena’s life starts spinning out of her control the more she gets everything she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so sad, Alexa play Cut To The Feeling and give Carly Rae Jepsen another sword.

As they drive back to her apartment, her mother’s grip should be comforting but it feels vice like on her thigh.

“Don’t worry honey, I’m sure Veronica will join us back at your place as soon as she’s done dealing with those investors.” Lillian says this so casually, that her mind can’t really keep up.

It’s so twisted and wrong and she can’t do anything but sit there like her mother’s perfect little doll.

She smiles to flatter her mother’s ego and nods. Pretending to be reassured instead of sickened.

Dread continues to pool in her stomach as she tries to catalogue every interaction she’s ever had with her mother, with Veronica and with Kara. Three-for-three. Lillian, Veronica and Kara had all managed to deceive her so thoroughly that she was blindsided.

It seems that the three most important women in her life all have one thing in common.

And the worst part is that no matter how smart Lena is, she’s still that naïve little girl that puts her trust too easily in people. Otherwise how could this have happened?

Kara is Supergirl, her mother and Veronica are part of some illegal, alien fight club and Lena doesn’t know how to act. How to feel. She’s numb and she’s tired and she wants to be anywhere but next to her mother.

 

They go up the elevator and her mother is still buzzing with excitement. So pleased with herself that she fails to see Lena’s turmoil.

Once they get comfortable by holding glasses of expensive red wine in their hands; because Luthors never handle emotions or the like while sober; they face each other.

Her mother has never looked prouder.

She smiles and strokes her face so lovingly that she flinches at the unfamiliar contact. Her mother tisks at her and grins down at her. She is prey.

“See, I told you I would take care of that _thing_. And I never break my promises. Not to Lex and now, not to you. Never again.”

Lena smiles up and she knows she’s on the verge of crying, but her mother doesn’t understand that it’s because she’s so devastated about tonight. All she sees is a grateful daughter, a daughter she can mold into someone that isn’t quite her darling, genius boy, but is a good enough consolation prize.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything. Even if Supergirl gets out of this one. I’m sure we’ll find another opportunity to show that filthy alien scum that her advances are unwanted.”

Lena closes her eyes and the tears continue to fall. Because it’s so hard to tell her mother that she still disagrees with her. More so now that she knows her best friend is the same woman that keeps National City safe.

 

//

 

She wakes up to a text from Alex the next morning. All it says is that she found Kara. No details. No further texts.

Her head is pounding. She drank with her mother until Veronica showed up. Let herself be held like a fragile child until she was devoured.

In the light of day, she’s disgusted with herself for being so needy. For craving reassurance and acceptance.

She sobs so hard that Veronica stirs next to her. Lena covers her mouth and runs to the bathroom. The water cascades down her back and it helps to drown out her crying.

 

//

 

Her car if stuck in traffic, halfway to her office and further from where she feels she should be.

In a split-second decision she asks her driver to stop at her florist before heading to Kara’s apartment. She calls Jess and asks her to re-schedule her day.

 

//

 

Kara’s face lights up when she opens the door and Lena loses all her composure. She starts crying as she hugs her close. For the first time since they’ve been friends, Kara doesn’t hold her like she’s fragile. She’s so solid and so real and so perfect that she fails to register the other people in the apartment until a throat is cleared behind them.

“I’ll just put these in water, I guess.” Alex says as she takes the flowers she was crushing out of her hand and asks her mom to find a vase.

Lena wipes her smeared make-up in an attempt to look presentable. “I’m so sorry Dr. Danvers. Agent. I didn’t know you’d both—”

“Be with my sister after she got kidnapped?” Alex fills in sarcastically and a slap quickly follows.

“Sweetie be nice. Sure, she sent some thugs to shake some information loose from me like I was some helpless dame in a noir film, but I’m sure she had the best intentions.” Eliza says to Alex, but her eyes are smiling at Lena.

“I’m so sorry about that.” She starts to apologize but gets waved off.

“Don’t worry, I understand. We were all going a little crazy trying to find my daughter.”

Lena nods and Kara smiles down at her, she feels so warm and safe in this very moment.

“Sorry for worrying you… I… umm… I was working on a story and I guess I kind of got too close because next thing I know I’m sort of kidnapped and then I’m not kidnapped and gosh I really don’t know how to explain to my boss that it shouldn’t count as PTO because it was job related…” Everyone laughs, and Lena is so relieved that her friend is safe and alive and surrounded by family that she can’t bring herself to tell her that she knows everything.

 

//

 

After that night, her mother is nicer to her than she’s ever been. Giving her all these little touches that for so long were reserved exclusively for her favorite child. Now she was overflowing with praise and pride and Lena feels like she’s drowning beneath the weight of her expectations and affection.

She wonders if this is how Lex lost his mind.

 

//

 

Veronica is also more attentive. Lena is no longer in a relationship with a ghost.

She materialized into something real.

Lena doesn’t know which version of Veronica she likes the most. The girl she fell for back in boarding school. The aloof woman that kept her at arm’s length during the better part of their on-again, off-again relationship. Or this weird blend between the two. Where the invisible wall between them is gone but navigating towards something real is harder than she thought it would be.

Lena feels cold, even as Veronica is warm next to her. Staying over most nights than she’s gone.

 

//

 

Days go by and she’s losing sleep.

Her lungs feel like they can’t quite remember how to breathe.

 

//

 

Her personal life isn’t the only thing on the uptick.

Board members that used to be dismissive when they weren’t downright hostile to her are suddenly agreeing without a second thought.

It takes her an embarrassingly long time to realize why.

Two meetings in and it hits her. The familiarity between their condescending smiles.

They were the same men she saw at the fight club. Part of that good old boys’ club she was never a member of.

Until she was.

 

All for the wrong reasons.

 

Suddenly work is no longer the reprieve she thought it was.

It seems like she can’t escape those anti-alien views she always tried to distance herself from.

 

//

 

Even her relationship with Kara is different.

It wasn’t at first. But then, Lena sees it. The way Kara sometimes takes her in with curious eyes, as if trying to figure out some kind of puzzle.

It makes her anxious. Being found out. She wonders if she’ll be able to pinpoint the moment when Kara figures out she’s exactly the kind of Luthor she wanted to distance herself from.

 

//

 

She wants to run away from everything until she can figure out what she wants to do.

Life doesn’t slow down.

Instead, it pushes her in the opposite direction of where she wants to be.

 

//

 

Lena is weak and desperate for approval.

Kara is supportive, and Lena wants to please her friend who encourages her tentative relationship with her mother. She wants to please Lillian, something she was never able to do until recently and she wants to please Veronica because it seems that the closer they grow, the more Lillian smiles.

 

//

 

L-Corp is seeing unprecedented levels of board approval and overall success.

She should be ecstatic; her life took a drastic turn for the better. Her assassination attempts have even gone down. Lex no longer sees her as a rival. She’s now a Luthor through and through.

Lena is miserable.

Guilt eats away at her and every chance she wants to talk about her mother, about how she knows who Kara is. Why her excuses are so flimsy for why she suddenly has to run out on their lunches, she can’t.

Even as she bristles at the thought of being near Lillian again, Kara gives her good advice as to how to approach certain touchy subjects with her mother. It makes Lena want to cry because how could anyone be so kind?

 

//

 

She’s about to confess everything during the tail end of a game night, when it’s just Kara and her, cleaning up dishes and sharing easy laughs. But she doesn’t because of what Kara says about her own mother. How she wishes she had what Lena has. Another chance to make things right. To mend a relationship before it’s too late.

Kara shares things about her mom she hadn’t brought up before. Starting with Eliza before broaching the subject of her birth mother. How lucky she feels to have been loved so fiercely by two very different women. Both strong in their own way. One strong enough to let her go and the other strong enough to love her unconditionally when she needed it the most.

Lena bites the inside of her lip until she breaks the skin. Refusing to let the tears fall. She feels so ungrateful. She finally has the mother she always dreamed of: attentive and caring. The company she always wanted to spearhead and the love of a woman who was always flitting away from her like a scared bird.

She feels undeserving. So, she does what she always has done in these kinds of situations. She acts the part of the grateful daughter and tells Kara that she’s glad they get to start over again.

Kara looks at her and Lena can’t stand to be so transparent. Lena turns away and breaks the moment before it can become a thing between them.

It won’t do either of them any good to talk about the truth.

 

//

 

Her mother starts to confide in her more and more each day. She even calls her in the middle of the day to catch up.

As if they ever had that kind of relationship.

Jess pretends she doesn’t notice how on edge she’s been. How thin she’s getting. But she’s worried and fails to hide her concern very well.

 

//

 

Things get worse from there.

 

//

 

“Excuse me, you can’t go in there. Stop!” Jess frantically called out as Lena’s office doors opened.

Her heart sped up. For a moment she thought it would be another fanatical anti-Luthor visitor, or worse, her mother. Until Kara, with Jess trailing behind her, shows up in front of her desk.

“I swear I just blinked and she got right past me.” Jess informs her as she steps in front of Kara.

“Lena, I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

“She’s so fast.” Jess interrupts. Unhappy at the usually respectful reporter.

“I just need to talk to you.” Kara pleads with her. There’s something in her eyes that makes Lena’s mind up for her. The next thing she hears is her telling Jess to make a note downstairs that Kara Danvers is to be shown in whenever possible.

Jess rolls her eyes but nods her head. “Yes, Ms. Luthor.” She can hear Jess’ professionalism slip away and she blushes.

Kara is so excited and awed by this that she misses the actual exchange that’s going on between her friend and her secretary.

“Really?” Kara asks, her hands do this adorable thing where they touch the pockets of her coat and she looks over at Jess guiltily, even as she thanks Lena.

Jess shakes her head as she closes both door behind her.

 

Lena takes a seat and asks Kara how she can help her. Her whole demeanor changes. Kara is unsure about this being the right thing to do. It’s one thing to not like your crush’s girlfriend. It’s another thing entirely to imply that she’s running an illegal, alien fight club for National City’s elite.

 

“A friend of mine has gotten involved in something shady.”

Lena scoffs. “A friend?” She asks, trying to keep the disbelief off her tone, but failing by the look that Kara gives her.

“No, an actual friend. And now he’s missing.” Her voice wavers and she looks away. She doesn’t know how to ask Lena where her girlfriend is without implying she’s shady. Although she doesn’t have time to be subtle, she can still be nice…

“Do you know a woman named Roulette? She caters to people in your… um… in your circles.

Lena smiles mirthlessly.

Of course.

Sooner or later it always came down to this. Veronica versus Kara. Roulette versus Supergirl. Villain and hero. Her heart speeds up. Because maybe this is the moment when she’s revealed as a Luthor.

Kara’s eyes are devoid of judgment. All she sees is a quiet pleading to play along. To pretend that they both don’t know Roulette’s real name. But how long will that work for? Does Kara know she was there that night, next to her mother, next to her girlfriend…

 

“Tight dresses, tattoos like Lisbeth Salander?” Kara nods slowly and Lena looks away for a moment. “Yeah, I know Roulette. We went to boarding school together… that’s how we met. She was always a bad girl. Probably why I fell for her in the first place…”

“I need to find her.” Kara says apologetically. Like she would rather be anywhere else than here, having this conversation with her.

“That’s the trick isn’t it? Finding Roulette… finding Veronica… it’s hard to find someone that is always on the move… like a shark.”

“Please Lena… I… I wouldn’t ask if I had any other option… I’m sorry.” And she’s so genuine that even though Lena should feel angry, she only feels grateful. Kara could have told Lena who Veronica was, right from the start. Jeopardize her relationship and make herself to be the good guy. She was Supergirl, after all. Instead she wanted to give Veronica the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to spare Lena’s feelings by letting her off the hook at knowing that her girlfriend was part of the seedy underbelly of National City.

She sighs. Feeling exhausted.

“I’m a Luthor. Of course, I’m invited to her little pop-up. Not that I’m interested in her type of entertainment.” It’s not a lie. But it’s not entirely honest. Lena bites her lip and jots down the information Kara needs on a piece of paper. She wishes things were simple as she tears it off and hands it over.

“Thank you.” Kara says, and Lena doesn’t see any malice or deception. “I owe you, big time.” She finishes.

“Not at all… I know you’ll be there when the time comes.” Kara nods with determination and she can see the mask slip for a moment. Suddenly she’s the hero of National City, reassuring her that she will always be there for Lena.

It makes her heart grow heavy with regret. Kara runs out to help her friend and Lena hides behind her desk and her work. Like the coward she is.

 

//

 

That night Veronica comes home, and everything is normal until they’re alone and in bed. Lena is trying to understand what is happening because Veronica has never been like this with her before and she doesn’t want to make the other woman feel as if she’s rejecting her, but Lena is also not enjoying any of it. Every touch is too rough, bordering on painful, and that feeling of being crushed and unable to breathe is overwhelming again.

Veronica senses the change as soon as she’s done, and she apologizes. Explains that tonight was hard.

Lena asks, because that’s what every girlfriend should wonder. Even though she doesn’t want to hear anything about Veronica’s business. The one that is built upon alien blood and suffering.

“I wasn’t breaking the law. I’m not the bad guy.” Veronica reasons. It seems that life dealt her a shitty hand when it comes to Supergirl and this whole ordeal. Always the victim. Never to blame in any of this.

“They’re nothing. They’re not even human… they’re freakshows that are worth less than dogs and without me they’re not special anymore. She took that from them.”

Lena is horrified. She’s glad her apartment is dark. Veronica can’t see her cry beneath her. But she misconstrues her body’s reaction to this and laughs. “I know what can make you feel even better.” Lena covers her face with her hands to muffle herself.

Veronica kisses down her body and continues her rant. “The worst part is that even when they were trying to defend me, because all she’s ever given them are black eyes, she still did that stupid ‘we’re better than this’ act and they fell for it.”

Lena’s skin is crawling. Her breaths are growing shorter and she’s light headed. Veronica laughs against her clit. “If I knew this is what would get you going, I would have told you sooner about this.” She wants to kick Veronica away, but she has to ask. It was her one weakness. Curiosity. Wanting to know how things worked. What made them work. And tonight, is no different. She’s dying to know how a woman that should be rotting in the same type of cell as her brother could get away when he couldn’t.

“How… how did you manage to come back to me?” She asks. No more lies. No more hiding from painful truths.

Veronica laughs against her thigh. “It’s all about timing. Having the right friends at the right moments.”

 

//

 

She’s glad she has a private bathroom in her office when she reads Kara’s article exposing the illegal alien gambling ring.

She heaves until all she tastes is bile. She cries and washes her face. Trying to re-apply her makeup with red rimmed eyes and shaking hands.

The article stares back at her from the floor. She hates that this is the closest to the truth she will ever get from the people around her. Her mother doesn’t discuss this side of business as much as Veronica does. Years of running in the shadows have taught her a lot about self-preservation. Veronica paints herself as the savior of aliens and not their exploiter. And Supergirl has never been quite eager to share the horrible details of her job. She only gets the sanitized version of things, if, at all.

Once she’s as presentable as she can get, Lena asks Jess to send some congratulatory flowers to Kara’s office.

 

//

 

Kara drops by for lunch. Unannounced and positively glowing. She shows Lena the picture of the board she took where Snapper put a one next to her name. She officially has one story to her name as a serious reporter and she’s never felt more excited about the possibility of being good at this job than right now.

Lena is infected with her good mood and suddenly they’re both laughing at things that aren’t particularly funny until tears roll down the corners of their eyes.

They order in some Italian food and she watches with affection at how her friend eats a whole pan of lasagna by herself.

 

The knot she has been feeling twisting her insides untangles itself and she can finally take a deep breath.

 

It only lasts a moment before reality crashes down on her once again.

 

Veronica shows up unannounced. Now that she’s without a job keeping her busy, she has more time to devote to social visits during the day and the tension in the room at their unexpected visitor is so uncomfortable that Jess runs out of the office as soon as she can.

Veronica introduces herself to Kara and the reporter’s smile wavers but she’s polite enough to shake her hand and make a harmless joke. Her girlfriend laughs, delighted, and smiles down at Lena. Wiping off some sauce from the corner of her mouth before kissing her hello.

It’s not possessive, but Lena feels like a trophy just the same. As if this is more about the display than anything else. Kara moves around in her seat. Clearly uncomfortable. She makes a big deal out of looking at her watch and needing to get back to CatCo to see what big story she can write about next.

Veronica doesn’t seem to hold any malice towards Kara, she wonders if it’s because she thinks of her as harmless or because Roulette has another plan against Supergirl already.

 

//

 

When Jess comes in to remind her about her next meeting, she’s alone. The contracts in front of her swim into the same two sentences she’s unable to get past.

“Everything okay Ms. Luthor? You look more miserable than that poor girl who ran away as soon as your girlfriend showed up.”

Lena sighs and looks out the window. Failing to find comfort or any answers in the skyline that she loves.

“I’m fine. She’s fine too… I think Veronica can be a bit much for someone like Kara.”

“Someone with a soul? Or someone with a crush on you?” Jess asks, unimpressed as she pretends to be fascinated by her tablet.

Lena laughs when she really feels like crying and dismisses her friend in case she does.

 

//

 

Veronica starts showing up more and more and Lena sees less of Kara in return.

It feels like she got the raw part of this deal, but she can’t complain about seeing more of her girlfriend to either party because she knows why Kara is wary of Veronica. And Veronica would know, as soon as she said anything, that Kara is Supergirl. If, she didn’t already know.

The only person that seems happy about this is her mother. Who invites them all to extravagant lunches and dinners that Lena touches less and less of.

Neither woman across from her notice.

Lena doesn’t know which is worse.

Being ignored or being in the same room without being seen.

 

//

 

The lunches and dinners are innocent, until they’re not.

The strings that come tied to every bit of affection. Every bit of money. Anything that was ever sent her way are finally tugged on.

She’s helpless to tumble down after them.

 

//

 

There are some things her mother needs to unload. Dangerous things born from wars on other planets. Unstable weaponry that could give Supergirl a run for her money.

Veronica smiles viciously at this. She needs a new revenue stream because her alien fight club was shut down and even though it’s fairly mobile and the feds couldn’t pin anything on her due to having friends in high places, not all clients are comfortable coming back so soon after a raid. They’re spooked and won’t come back until the heat dies down.

Her girlfriend is pissed off and itching to get back in the game.

Any game.

 

//

 

Lena wants to turn her back on this. Pretend that everything is okay.

She can’t sleep.

The words she heard over her company’s screens, the same ones that the rest of the city listened to, play back in her head. On a loop. Blood and fear. Blood and fear.

She wants no part in her mother’s empire. No part in Veronica’s new schemes that aim to exploit those that just want to stop running from violence.

If she goes back to bed, does nothing, it will be the same as pulling the trigger.

She waits.

Veronica falls asleep and she slips away.

It’s time to act.

 

//

 

The second part of her plan involves stepping out of her comfort zone and into the wolf’s den.

CatCo is packed with reporters and even with her coat pulled tight against her body, she feels vulnerable. She pushes through her discomfort and finds Kara. She’s arguing with some employee that has his feet propped up on the desk in front of him and is stuffing candy into hit mouth. Lena bites her lip to stop herself from grinning. She’s never seen Kara flustered due to frustration before. It’s adorable.

When she asks Kara to come to her gala fundraiser for the Children’s Hospital after the horrific attack on their new building, there’s hesitation. Kara is trying to position her body between the candy eater and Lena. Hoping she can stop him from inviting himself to the gala while attempting to comfort Lena about the fact that most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a 10-foot pole.

Lena bites her lip and looks down at her feet before confessing that “it would mean a lot to me if you were there.” Kara’s entire demeanor changes and suddenly she can’t agree fast enough. Mike of the interns asks to be invited because he loves parties.

Kara gives him a firm ‘no’ and gets closer to Lena.

Warmth radiates from her. Lena looks up and she’s met with the most incredible blue eyes she’s ever come across. “Of course.” Slips out of her mouth before she realizes she’s speaking. All she could think of was _of course_ she never noticed Kara’s eyes until now. How open and trusting they are. How blue and endless they seem. If she had, maybe all of this would have been different.

She recovers by letting Mike of the interns know that of course he’s invited, if he can find himself a suit.

 

//

 

After the party, Kara pays her a visit dressed up as Supergirl. Asking Lena why she was kept in the dark. She sees Kara’s hurt face more than the hero’s concern. She wants to touch that crinkle with her fingertips, smooth it out, ignore the way her heart beats faster with this thought. Lena shakes her head, focusing on how regardless of what Kara wears on the outside, she can’t hide how much she cares for her.

Lena feels undeserving of all this blind faith placed upon her.

She says that she doubted that Supergirl would have believed that a Luthor just wanted to see justice done. “Well, I couldn’t have stopped them without you. Thank you.” Lena smiles nervously. Throwing out a line about a Super and a Luthor working together.

Kara’s shoulders pull back and she’s standing taller than she was a second ago. Proud of her friend and smiling brightly at the idea that they could continue to work together in the future. Lena realizes how badly she wants to be the type of person Kara thinks she is.

She coughs and is about to tell Kara that she knows where the weapons came from when the source walks right into the room.

“Oh! I didn’t realize you had company.” Lillian calmly tells her daughter.

“Would you excuse me, Supergirl? I have to take this.”

“Of course.” Kara answers and flies off her balcony. Giving her the privacy she asked for but didn’t really want.

“Sorry I missed your party.” Lillian tells her, while smiling.

“What else is new?” Lena answers not surprised that her mother and Veronica both chose to be absent from the gala that would be a sure target for the terrorists with alien weaponry. The same kind that could be linked to either one of them.

“Now, what can I do for you. Mom.” Lena asks. Lillian smiles at this before asking her why she stopped her friends from sowing chaos and discord. In addition to wanting to know what Supergirl was doing in her office when months ago she was begging her to get rid of Kara Danvers because she didn’t return her feelings.

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a crush on that _thing_ , honey, you have Veronica… she’s more your type, don’t you think?” Lillian asks rhetorically, eyes traveling all over Lena’s face. Looking for any sort of tell.

Lena smiles. “Of course not, mother. But unlike Lex, I know that you keep your friends close and Supers closer. How was I supposed to know that your thugs would interrupt my gala? If I didn’t stop them, that would have raised more eyebrows than me endearing myself to National City by saving a bunch of our friends from becoming victims to criminals stupid enough to get caught.”

Lillian reaches up to stroke her face. Studying her. Seeing her. Smiling viciously. “Well, well, well… and here I thought you were going soft on me… that you were going to turn out just as disappointing as you always had…” Lillian sighed longingly. “But I can see that even though you’re no Lex, you’re shaping up to surpass all my lowered expectations…” Lena’s eye twitches at the backhanded compliment.

“Maybe all those years of beating Lex in chess will finally prove useful. Wouldn’t you agree? I mean I was only a child when I first did it…” Lillian’s teeth clench but she doesn’t reply.

“He’s in jail and a genius. I’m already an ally to Supergirl while the best he could do was domestic terrorism and murder without even making Superman take notice of his very existence. Surely it can’t be that hard to improve upon his many failures?” Lena asks coyly.

The slap Lena gets feels like her first real victory.

She laughs as she licks the blood off her lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Well Lena just did that...


	3. Can’t Go Back, I Can’t Go Back…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena wants to be a better person but it’s hard to do that when you’re always reduced to being a Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks, the end of the saga. Thanks for your comments and kudos :)

 

 

Her mother is punishing her by becoming just a smidge more withholding.

To anyone else, the difference would have been imperceptible.

Lena isn’t anyone else.

She should be doing everything in her power to get back in her mother’s good graces. The way she used to as a child. But she needs this small reprieve.

 

//

 

Veronica isn’t as cunning as her mother.

Or maybe she really didn’t put two and two together. One missing weapon wouldn’t be that high in her list of things to worry about.

All Lena knows is that her girlfriend is upset that her latest scheme didn’t pan out and is desperate for cash. This never ends well, Veronica looking up new revenue streams when she’s desperate means she’s willing to do extreme things for a big payout.

 

Lena hears the words alien technology and she feels sick, she tries to tell Veronica that she doesn’t feel comfortable playing with unknowns.

They both know that it’s a lie.

Her mind always wants to take things apart and put them back together.

Lena just feels exhausted. She doesn’t want to be a Luthor. She hates the expectation of always needing to create weapons or wage war on those that are different than her because that has always been her family’s legacy. She doesn’t want that to be her path. Lena wants a life as far removed from that as she can get. Where she can run L-Corp and occasionally hide down in the labs where she can find ways to help people.

 

 

//

 

Veronica starts missing dinners and spends nights away.

Lena should be relieved, but it feels as if everything is falling apart right before her eyes.

She agrees. Desperately trying to hold onto any crumbs of affection thrown her way.

 

//

 

“What is that, is that an MRI machine?” Lena asks, unsure of what the pieces littering the surprisingly clean warehouse will create. But there’s a distinct oval shape, like an eye, that makes Lena think it could be a medical machine of some sort.

“Something like that.” Veronica answers with a smile that Lena can’t quite read.

 

//

 

It takes weeks to get everything up and running. Their relationship hanging by a string at this point. It could be from the stress or from something bigger. Sometimes Lena can be unobservant for a genius.

A man that makes Lena’s skin crawl is Veronica’s go to man on this project. He wears red framed glasses and has a very distinct mole on his face.

Lena stares at it because she hates looking at his eyes. There’s something off about him, it might be his entire demeanor. But his eyes make the discomfort she feels way, way, worse.

 

//

 

Lena never gets to see the finished product.

 

//

 

She returns from a trip overseas and her driver is the only one that greets her at the airport.

Lena wants to feel disappointed, but she’s used to being forgotten by now.

 

//

 

Veronica disappears at odd hours.

There are a lot of phone calls she takes in other rooms and Lena wishes that it didn’t sting as much as it does to know that she’s probably having an affair.

She also wishes she didn’t feel as relieved at the state of her relationship if Veronica were with someone else.

 

//

 

Her only comfort is Kara.

Except today. She seems jittery and distracted during their lunch.

Lena asks her what’s going on and everything spills out.

Kara is pacing up and down her office, trying to understand her surly boss and why he thinks his coffee and his Danish are more important than a worried mother plastering National City with posters of her missing daughter. Begging for anyone to come forward with information that could help her find her.

“What is more important than a mother finding her daughter?” She finally asks Lena, deflating a bit.

“Nothing.” Lena answers absentmindedly. She’s resting her cheek on her hand, staring at Kara. Who smiles brightly at her friend. Happy to know that they agree on this. Then she sinks down onto the couch again and sighs.

“I just don’t know what to do. Or how to find her… I’m not Nancy Drew.”

Lena smiles and bites her lip. Knowing that her friend doesn’t need comfort. She needs hope.

“What about your sister’s girlfriend? Maggie… isn’t she a cop? Maybe she can help you find a clue or at least a police report.”

Kara closes the space between them in a tight hug and kisses Lena’s cheek. “Lena you’re a genius!” she tells her. Laughing against her skin before jumping up and grabbing her things. She looks so determined and happy as she’s running out the door that she misses how Lena is holding onto her cheek while blushing and looking at nothing.

 

//

 

Hours later she gets a call from Alex, asking if she’s heard from Kara. Apparently, she’s not answering her phone. Alex knows she’s working on a story but not much else.

Lena tells her that she ran off to look for Maggie for her missing persons story, but she hasn’t heard from her since.

She hangs up and feels a familiar dread.

 

//

 

She traces Kara’s cellphone to the warehouse that Veronica took her.

The dread turns into a pit at the bottom of her stomach.

 

When she gets there, Veronica is standing in front of what she never got to see. The finished result of all her hard work. It’s an eye like structure and inside of it is a storm of purple, electric haze that seems to suck the air out of the room.

 

“What in heaven’s name is that?” Lena asks. Too fascinated to feel fear or to think about hiding.

Veronica turns around, she’s wearing her signature red dress that her clients have come to associate with Roulette. A mink coat is thrown over her arms and several bracelets catch the light in a way that Lena knows the jewelry costs a fortune. Money that Veronica doesn’t have… or at least she shouldn’t.

“Ohh sweetie, you’re just in time for the auction. We’ve transported several specimens and today I get to become a very rich woman again… and it’s all thanks to you.” She smiles. Lena feels sick. She doesn’t trust that smile.

“Auction?” Lena asks. Not understanding what this has to do with her.

“Yes, one of my fighters told me about Maaldoria, better known as Slaver’s Moon… so I jumped at the opportunity to help expand its market.”

“Expand its market with aliens?” Is this why her mother liked Veronica, Lena wondered. Because she was getting rid of aliens?

Veronica laughs. “Aliens? No, aliens don’t need more aliens… they need something exotic… something alien to them but a problem in this overpopulated planet.” Lena is horrified. Veronica keeps on talking. “I’ve taken human trafficking to the next level. I provide prime specimens that can provide a lifetime of labor.”

“You’re trafficking people?” Lena asks, appalled that Veronica isn’t content just exploiting aliens anymore.

“Of course. And I get paid in beautiful diamonds. They’re like dirt to the Maaldorians.” Veronica informs her with glee while staring at her jewelry.

“They’re like dirt here too!” Lena shouts. “Veronica, they’re not that rare here either and once you flood the market, they’ll be next to worthless.” She tries to explain, to find a way to stop this.

“I’m sure that diamonds from space will sell better than diamonds mined here…” Veronica shrugs, as if that solves her problem.

“I won’t let you do this.” Lena steps forward, without a plan, but determined.

“Won’t let me? You must be crazier than your psycho brother if you think you can stop something that’s already done.” Veronica laughs.

Lena slaps her across the face “Fuck you.” And pushes her back. Veronica falls into the purple storm and it disappears. Taking her with it.

 

//

 

Alex shows up, clad in black and looking dangerous.

Lena is escorted out.

She wants to fight, she wants to stay.

The look Alex gives her across the room stops her. Alex nods and Lena floods with relief. She knows that Alex will make sure her sister comes home. Lena may not have faith in much, but she’s a believer in Alex Danvers. She knows that woman would go through hell and back to bring her sister home safely.

 

 

//

 

Lena shows up to Kara’s apartment with two large pizzas and a bottle of wine.

They watch some black and white movie that Lena doesn’t pay much attention to. She’s warm and safe in this perfect moment with Kara.

 

There’s a knock on the door and Kara groans. Lena chuckles and pats her stomach with the hand that’s resting on top of her thin shirt, right beneath the red knit blanket they’re sharing. “Come on, it could be important.”

 

It ends up not being important.

 

Mike from the interns, in a completely different outfit and without his glasses is on the other side of the door. He’s triumphantly holding up a bottle of club soda and he smiles at Kara when he presents it to her. She laughs and takes it from him.

“You look cozy and comfortable.” He tells her, taking notice of her outfit.

“I am.” Kara smiles towards Lena. Mike follows her gaze and looks disappointed but undeterred. Lena feels like she might be intruding on a moment, so she reaches for her phone on the coffee table and starts gathering her things. Before she can get her purse Kara thanks him again for the club soda and tells him that they can talk tomorrow.

He tries to step inside and tell her that she was right, that now he wants to be a hero like her because he knows it will impress her. Kara’s shoulders drop. It’s clear she doesn’t want to have this conversation with him. “Mike of the interns, why don’t you come back tomorrow? Kara and I were just about to go take care of some things back at my place.”

“I’m a hero to impress Kara so I can help!” He interrupts, begging to be invited.

Lena sighs in such a fake and dramatic way that Kara has to bite her lip to stop herself from giggling. “And I’m sure it would impress Kara more if you were able to follow simple instructions before being a hero. Like the ones she gave you about talking tomorrow?”

Mike looks over Lena’s shoulder and sees Kara nod. He puffs his chest out and agrees. “Of course. I will talk about how to impress you tomorrow.” 

 

//

 

They go to Lena’s apartment. In case Mike wants to return. Mostly it’s because Lena doesn’t want to be alone.

As they pack up the small number of items Veronica had left at her place, Kara asks her what happened, and Lena shrugs it off. She tries lying to Kara about it not being a big deal but she’s transparent and Kara doesn’t back off this time.

“I guess I didn’t want to wake up one day and realize that I’d married someone like my brother… someone that put other’s lives so beneath their own goals that they thought it was okay to benefit from their suffering…”

Kara stops and looks at her. Lena can see what she wants to ask and is too polite to say.

“It takes a long time to unlearn things from your childhood Kara.” Her shoulders drop with the weight of it all. “I’m not proud of it but I was raised in a family that has some very backwards views on everything that deviates from the norm. My sexuality included.” She sighs and wipes at her eyes. Thinking back to all the fights they had before her family realized that Lena’s _phase_ would be permanent.

“I know that I didn’t stop Veronica or stop dating her with the whole alien fight club thing… but I guess before… I hid behind the excuse that although illegal, they wanted to be there, like MMA or boxing… but this… selling people like they were nothing… I know I’m not the most enlightened person when it comes to aliens… but I am trying.”

She looks at Kara’s eyes, begging her to understand.

“I want to be better… I want to do better.” Lena sighs. “And I honestly couldn’t see me building a life next to someone who wanted to stay the same when it came to issues like these because it felt wrong. Even if it was safe. It was wrong, and I don’t want to just be different and build a name for myself away from my family. I want whoever is next to me to be a little more aware too and maybe push me to be better… I don’t know, that sounded less stupid in my head.” Lena finishes, trying to dismiss everything she said by playing it off as a joke.

Kara smiled at her in a way she hadn’t before. “No… I… I get it… and I think that sounded perfect.”

 

//

 

Weeks later something odd happens.

Kara asks to interview her for a puff piece on “ _Women of Power and the Mothers Who Molded Them.”_

Lena is honest with Kara about how much of a disappointment she’s always been to Lillian. Kara is supportive but seems to be holding something back.

It worries Lena, so she reaches out to her mom, asking her to talk.

 

//

 

Her mother walks in and takes immediate command of the room. Lena is behind her desk, the one that usually makes her feel powerful and in control, and she feels herself shrink.

The stocks she was staring at swim in her vision and she shuts her laptop just as her mother tells her how depressing a sight she is. Lena tries to defend her choice of working instead of celebrating the holiday weekend somewhere and her mother shrugs.

“Overworking does run in the family.” Is all Lillian answers as she sets her purse down. It throws Lena off so much that she voices this.

“Now I know you’re in the holiday spirit. Usually that kind of thought is followed by the backstabbing jibe about how I’m not really a Luthor.” Her mother is pouring herself a glass of wine, aerating it while Lena keeps talking.

“You never let me forget that I’m adopted.” Lillian smells the wine and smiles into her glass. It’s a tactic she’s always used against Lena. One that never fails. She lets Lena fill the silence between them while she keeps the upper hand.

“When it comes to your children, Lex was always your favorite.” Lillian smiles at this. She sets her wine glass down at the bar and walks in front of Lena with a smile. “And you always your father’s.”

“You sound almost jealous.” Lena retorts.

“You shouldn’t take it all so personally. No parent truly loves their children equally. And though maybe I loved Lex more, I do love you, Lena… In my own way.”

Lena turns away. There it was. Lillian always loved her conditionally. Or as she says, in her own way. When it suited her.

She steels herself for the next part of the conversation. Standing up and approaching her mother. Leaving the safety of her desk, that was acting as a barrier, behind.

“Well… now that we’ve got the pleasantries out of the way, let me ask, what the hell are you up to?”

“We’ve hardly spoken since your gala, after you said those nasty things about Lex. I thought maybe you called me here to make amends… it’s Thanksgiving after all.” She looks at Lena for a second before she continues. “But I see I was mistaken.” Lillian grabs her purse and starts to head out.

“Kara Danvers is sniffing about. She’s smart. She knows something about you. What is it?” Her tone is cold.

Her mother smiles. “I couldn’t possibly imagine.”

“See I know you’re lying.”

“And how would you know that?” Her mother asks condescendingly.

“Because you told me you love me. And we both know that’s not true.” Her mother smiles with pride at this jab. “Thanks for stopping by, mom.” Lena turns and sits down.

“No apology, then?” Lillian asks as she sets her purse down and goes for her wine.

Lena sighs.

“Where is that girlfriend of yours? I haven’t talked to her in a while either. Do you think she would be up to joining us for lunch? Or dinner. My treat.”

Lena bites her lip. “We broke up.”

“Again? Surely you can apologize to her for whatever you did this time and we can enjoy a nice meal together.” _Typical Lillian_ , Lena thinks, always blaming her, thinking the worst of her, instead of asking for her side of things.

“It’s permanent this time.” Her mother is about to open her mouth, but Lena cuts her off. “And I’m not apologizing to her… she… she…” tears roll down her cheeks and she looks away. “She called Lex a psycho and I lost control. I slapped her and told her to fuck off…”

Lillian is instantly by her side, holding her, soothing her.

“I know it’s stupid, after what I said about Lex last time… but he’s my brother… and I just got so mad…” Her mom kisses the top of her head. “and Kara… Kara might be an alien and she might have more reasons than anyone else to hate Lex… to hate our family… but even she was horrified when I told her what happened… it’s so stupid that you hate her because she’s an alien… she’s always been there for me… she even gave me advice on how to mend our relationship back when we were talking.”

Her mother stops. She holds Lena’s face in her hands and looks at her.

“She sounds really special.”

Lena nods and closes her eyes as her mother wipes her tears.

“In that case… I’m sure I can make an exception for her.”

 

 

//

 

Her mother invites her to one of her personal labs. Claiming that the only way to get through heartbreak is by working. They do it side by side and for once, Lena doesn’t feel like she’s second best.

 

//

 

Months later there is an attack in her company. Supergirl saves her and her employees.

After everything settles down, she flies in through the window looking serious. Lena chuckles and tries to make a joke that doesn’t land. When Kara’s face remains unchanged, she thanks her for what she did.

Kara asks for help in finding her mother and Lena understands why she was so serious before.

“Your mother is behind Cadmus.” Kara informs her. She stops and looks down at her feet. Unsure if she should continue. Lena wants to hate her for softening the blow. “She’s their leader.”

“You’re lying.” Lena is furious. She just got a glimpse of her mother, the one Lex had, and she doesn’t want to be selfless.

“I’m not.” Kara’s shoulders drop. “She kidnapped me and now she possesses a virus that she could wipe out the entire alien population of National City.” She sounds so sure and so torn. “I need you to help me find her, so that she doesn’t hurt any more innocent people.”

Lena feels the tears in her eyes. “You know, I thought you were different. You wear that symbol on your chest and everyone thinks you’re good.” She can feel the bile rise in her throat for what she’s about to say to her friend, but she can’t stop herself. She has to know.

“How many times did your cousin put on that high-and-mighty costume and come after Lex? My mother is no saint, but you come in here and accuse her of being the Devil incarnate? How long before you come after me?” She asks, finally voicing her darkest fear to her only friend.

Instead of lashing out, Kara looks at her with the saddest eyes she’s seen and with so much understanding that her heart lurches.

“I know what it’s like to be disillusioned by our parents. But I’m a pretty good judge of character. And you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous.” Kara steps forward until they’re inches from each other. “And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path.” Lena can feel Kara’s conviction in her own words as she finishes. “Be your own hero.”

Lena wants to kiss her.

“You can leave the same way you came in.” She turns away, so Kara can’t see how she’s lying to her. Because she wants Kara to stay. To hold her.

Kara steps closer, her hands reaching out for her before she realizes that she’s in her suit. And she does just what Lena asked her to.

When she flies away Lena stares longingly at her retreating form.

 

//

 

Her mother shows up at her office soon after. Ignoring the damage to her lobby and choosing to comment on her wearing the same dress twice. Lena ignores the jab.

“The Medusa virus. That’s what we’ve been secretly working on… that’s why you sent your goon here. For Isotope 454.” She turns around. “You’re in charge of Cadmus.”

Her mother smiles triumphantly. “Is this the part where you lecture me, like you’d lecture Lex? Because I meant it when I said that your little _alien_ girlfriend would be spared… and I meant it… all aliens except for _her_.”

Lena’s heart is pounding wildly. Of course, Lillian had a plan, she always had a plan. And she always found a way for Lena to believe that she was loved when she was just being used. She was a fool. For believing in her mother. But she was also the only one smart enough to stop her. She knows how the virus works and thus how Isotope 454 should work when weaponizing such a monstrous thing.

“No.” Lena continues. Hoping her mother is still shit at reading her. “What you said before, there was truth in that. And if you’re willing to spare Kara then you can ask me for my help and I’ll give it to you.”

Her mother is cautious. “It’s that easy? Spare your girlfriend and I get your help?”

Lena smiles. “It’s that easy if you’re willing to leave Kara alone.” To prove her point Lena opens the case between them and in all its red glory, Isotope 454 glows.

Lillian stares in awe. “I didn’t think you believed in the cause. Given your bleeding heart and condescending speeches about alien rights.” She admits as her hands reach out to touch the glass vials.

She smiles. “Then maybe it’s time you got to know your daughter a little better… I am a Luthor, after all.”

 

 

//

 

They transport the isotope in silence. Her mother is thrumming with excited energy and she pushes back Lena’s hair in the car. “I knew you’d come around eventually… and don’t worry, once we take care of _these_ aliens, we can talk about having a nice family dinner with that little girlfriend of yours.”

 

//

 

When they get to the harbor Lena tries to make a joke and for once Lillian indulges her with a smile before correcting her. “It’s a rocket launcher. And it’s yours. Take it. Prove you’re with me.” Her smile is deadly now. “Unleash Medusa and end Earth’s alien menace once and for all.”

Lena takes the key and steps forward. Typical of her mother to make Lena prove her devotion while she just stands to the side and gloat when she either fails or does exactly what she wanted. Always the toy. You either pull at the strings and get punished or you let yourself be manipulated into doing exactly what Lillian wants.

There is no in between.

Lena puts the key in and the ground shakes with Supergirl’s landing. A man next to her briefly glows red before turning into the man that nearly killed her.

“Don’t do it Lena.” Supergirl begs. But all Lena sees is Kara’s face.

“Why not?” She asks rhetorically. “I’m a Luthor.”

Supergirl takes a deep breath and she doesn’t rush her. She doesn’t fly to stop Lena even though she knows she’s fast enough to be stopped. Instead she watches helplessly as Lena turns the key which engages the target and launches the rocket into the air.

Kara is staring at her, frozen in horror. And then, Lena sees Kara piece it together. That night, at the alien fight club, when she was powerless… it wasn’t just her wishful thinking of wanting to see Lena’s exact shade of green eyes staring back at her before she died… it was her. Standing next to her mother. Just like this. And Lena wants to take it all back. The way she treated Kara before, when she asked her for help, the way she pretended to be on her mother’s side. Everything. She wants to go back to when Kara believed in her.

Instead, the man next to her tells her to go, that she has to stop the rocket before it’s too late.

He steps forward and threatens them. Her mother, always with a backup plan, tells him that he’s wrong and he’s tackled by his clone.

They struggle and soon the sky flashes with an explosion. Followed by a sickly, orange rain that would be beautiful, if it didn’t mean death for the aliens of National City.

Supergirl flies back looking defeated and she rushes to hold her friend. They say goodbye and just hold onto each other. Waiting for the end.

Minutes pass and still, nothing.

Her mother is the first to realize that her virus isn’t working as planned. “They should be dead.” She states. She looks up at the orange haze raining down on them and still doesn’t understand. “All aliens should be dead.”

Lena walks to her side and her mother smiles proudly. “You. You switched out the isotope. You made the virus inert.”

“I did.” Lena’s heart feels like it will give out with how fast and out of control it’s beating. She looks behind her mother’s back and she finally sees the flashing lights. “And I called the police.” The sirens wail as they get closer. Lillian finally breaks eye contact and realizes that they’re surrounded.

Kara looks in their direction after realizing that they’re all okay and Lena smiles softly at her. Maybe she can apologize about the whole thing later. But not now. Now she has statements to give and evidence to supply.

She wants to make sure that just like Lex, her mother stays behind bars, where she belongs.

 

 

//

 

It’s been weeks and they haven’t had a chance to talk. Lena’s life has been consumed by her mother’s trial.

 

//

 

She’s watching the news in her office, scoffing at how her mother’s defense attorneys tried to downplay her testimony as nothing more than “the angry rant of an estranged daughter.” Instead of what it was, damning evidence against her.

Lena turns off the TV in frustration. She knows her stocks have been a bit shaky since the news. And this is exactly the kind of press she doesn’t need for her company.

Her door opens softly and Jess smiles as she leads Kara into her office.

She tries to joke about how everyone in National City has an opinion on her. She wonders what Kara thinks. Would she be an ungrateful daughter, a heroine or a bitch? She wonders where she falls after he latest breach of Kara’s trust.

 

//

 

Lena, at Kara’s insistence, goes to visit her mother. She wants to give it one more go at being her daughter because she doesn’t want to let her friend down.

Once again, Lillian manipulates her… but Lena isn’t so sure if it’s the truth or not. Her mother reaches out for her, and she lets herself be comforted. What if it’s true, what if they’re the only Luthors left?

 

//

 

Her mother’s trial continues and Metallo is one of her character witnesses. He’s coiled to strike throughout the whole ordeal and Lena wants to run away. But she stays. She has to see this through.

The court turns to chaos soon after and he starts blasting away at everyone with Kryptonite rays. Lena launches herself in front of Kara. Landing on top of her instead. She manages to save her as a powerful green ray misses them by a couple of inches.

Kara’s blue eyes are dazed when she looks up at her. The courtroom shakes again as Metallo keeps attacking everyone and Lena feels Kara’s strong grip on her hips anchoring her. Alex nods at her sister and Lena touches her cheek. “You should go. We’ll be here.” Kara nods and sits up. Before she leaves Lena whispers for her to stay safe.

 

//

 

After she’s _liberated_ from prison, she’s told that she can finally have the mother she always wanted to have because Lillian does love her. All she needs to do is let her prove to Lena that the ones that strained their relationship were Lex and Lionel and now that the Luthor men were no longer standing in their way, they can be a family again.

 

//

 

Lena is cautious, but she also knows her mother is right. They’re fugitives and the narrative has already been written about them. Luthors are always going to be bad and the world will never forgive her for being Lex’s sister and Lillian’s daughter.

 

//

 

Once they reach Lex’s facility she realizes why her mother wants to love her. What her conditions are. This time there is no illusion. She’s too strapped for time and she wants Lena to use her hand to open up Lex’s vault. Lena tries to get away, but Hank Henshaw grabs her, his grip is so strong when he forces her to put her hand over the biometric reader.

The vault is filled with dangerous things and Lena wants to warn Kara. She has to get to her somehow.

Before she is able to formulate a plan, Supergirl flies in and tells her that Kara Danvers believes in her. Lena smiles and tries to run to her, but her mother throws one of the bombs she found at her. Supergirl easily catches it but it doesn’t blow up. Instead it makes Supergirl scream in pain.

Lena shouts at them, telling them not to hurt her. Hank shakes her like a ragdoll and throws her against the ground.

She hits it so hard that she passes out.

 

//

 

She remembers the rest of the night and following day in flashes.

The explosion knocked Supergirl down, embedding fragments of unstable Kryptonite into her skin. The Martian had to fly them both back to safety.

Lena is on an uncomfortable hospital bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. Light shines in her eyes and she tries to push it away.

When she’s more clearheaded she turns over and sees Kara, out of her Supergirl suit and in a hospital gown, resting on a sunbed, across the hall from where she’s at. Lena smiles and rests again.

 

//

 

Lena is cleared of all charges while she recovers.

Once Kara is able to get out of her own hospital bed, she asks Lena for an exclusive.

 

//

 

The day it’s published, Lena fills Kara’s office with plumerias. Knowing that they remind her of her mother.

 

//

 

During lunch, Kara drops by her office. They sit down on her white couch, closer than they normally would.

Lena tells Kara that she flattered her in the article and Kara insists that she only wrote the truth. That Lena pushed her to be a better reporter by teaching her how to keep digging, even when all the evidence points one way, even when everyone else stopped believing in Lena. Because she never did lose hope. Not after Lena chose the aliens of National City over her own mother. Not when she chose people she didn’t know over her own girlfriend. Lena always made the hard choices and Kara admires her for that. Lena is stunned into silence.

They both look away from each other.

Kara bites her lip and looks down at her hands. “So, my office is overflowing with flowers.” She tells Lena.

“Really?” Lena asks, playing along.

“Yeah.” Kara answers as she pulls her skirt down and moves closer.

They share some nervous laughter as Lena looks away and sits closer to Kara. Their knees touch.

Kara is suddenly all nervous energy as she informs Lena that she didn’t have to send her flowers. But Lena isn’t having any of it.

“Yeah, I did. I’m grateful that you went to save me… even when it would have put you in danger… I… I don’t know how to thank you.” She admits.

Kara smiles and tries to play it off as if they were just normal things that friends did for each other. Jump in harm’s way to save one another.

She wants to say more but Lena doesn’t want to push her luck, so she laughs it off and tells Kara that she’s her hero. Even before she knew that she was Supergirl, Kara Danvers had always been her hero.

Kara blushes and pushes her glasses up.

She looks over at Lena and smiles in that soft way she usually does whenever they’re together.

It makes her chest tighten and it’s in that moment that she realizes what she’d been too afraid to acknowledge. She’s in love with her best friend and she’d been in love with her for a while.

Lena looks at the wall. Away from Kara. Hoping that she’s not paying attention to how hard her heart is beating. They’re so close and she smells so sweet. So uniquely Kara that she can’t breathe.

Kara leans forward and touches her face softly. Asking if she’s okay. Lena shakes her head. She’s far from okay. She’s in love with her best friend and she already missed her chance to be with her. Like Veronica says, it’s all about timing. And theirs has passed.

She’s devastated.

Tears well up in her eyes and Kara pulls at Lena’s waist until their bodies melt together. Lena lets herself by comforted as she cries and her body shakes. She’s so exhausted from the past year. Of fighting against her mother, against Veronica, against her board, against the public’s opinion of her. She wants to be weak and give up. But she also wants to be strong. Strong enough for those people that need her to fight on their behalf. Like the aliens of National City.

Kara shudders as Lena breathes out against her collarbone. She licks her lips and looks down at Lena. A little of that Supergirl courage and determination written all over her face. “You know… you’re my hero too.” She whispers between them before she kisses her once. So soft and quick that Lena saw it happen. Her eyes stayed wide open even as Kara’s gentle blue ones closed when she leaned in.

Blue eyes blink open afterwards.

Staring back at her in amazement.

Almost as if she can’t believe she did that. That she can’t believe Lena let her. Kara opens her mouth to say something, but it dies in her throat as Lena lurches forward. Capturing her lips mid word, lips and teeth against each other.

It’s clumsy. This kiss. Rushed and desperate.

But it means everything. It tells Kara that she wasn’t the only wishing for something more to happen between them.

Lena pushes Kara’s body down against the cushions. A body that could crush her is so pliant. Bending so easily because Lena asks without words. Her own body is on fire from where Kara’s hands touch her. Never settling on one spot. Her hands pull at the fabric of Kara’s pink sweater until it’s pulled loose. Nails scrapping over taut skin and Kara moans against her.

They’re so wrapped up in each other that they don’t hear Jess’ knock before she enters.

They do hear the papers scattering on the floor and the undignified squeak that comes out of her mouth before she shouts, “sweet baby Jesus.” And promptly covers her eyes with her hand.

Kara’s eyes are dazed as she sits up and pulls at her sweater in an effort to look more presentable. Lena’s red lipstick smeared all over her face. Looking an absolute mess. Lena blushes as she tries to fix her hair and pretend they weren’t pawing at each other like horny teenagers. “Jess, umm, please do come in.” She tries to go for nonchalance, but her voice is huskier than normal, and her pupils are blown.

“No thank you Ms. Luthor,” her hand remains on top of her eyes as she continues to address her. “I wanted to bring you the notes you requested after your lunch with Ms. Danvers. The ones for your board meeting later today… but I can see that I have to go cancel that and maybe burn your couch, so people can sit on it after today?” She questions.

Kara blushes furiously at this, her whole face and neck turn red and she stutters through an apology. Lena rolls her eyes at Jess. She doesn’t need Jess to tease her like this. She’s her boss.

“No thank you Jess, that won’t be necessary.”

Jess parts her fingers and looks at them through the opening. “Really?” She questions. Eyes narrowed, trying to see if their clothes were on the entire time.

Lena blushes. “Yes, really. We’re leaving.” She stands up and grabs Kara’s hand. Pulling her behind her. “You can explain to the board that you sassed me and rearrange the rest of my day as punishment for that.”

“Better your bed than the couch… I use this couch.” Jess whispers to herself. Lena doesn’t hear her, but Kara does. Her ears turn red as the elevator doors open and Lena wipes at her face with a tissue.

“Whatever she said, ignore her. She was always rooting for us… she likes you.” Kara smiles down at her. “Us? There’s an us?” Lena smiles up at her. “Of course there’s an us. I… I’m not the casual type… but if you don’t want to head towards a relationship, we should definitely talk before this goes further.”

Kara shakes her head.

“No, no, no.” She says with conviction. “I do want this. Us. I’ve wanted this for a while… we can talk, or we can, not talk when we get to your place, but I want there to be an us… I… I believe in you Lena… I’ve always believed in you.”

Lena’s heart lurches at those words. Because she knows how true they are. Even when the world was against her, Kara always believed in her. Always.

“Who would have thought… a Luthor and a Super.” She says before kissing Kara again.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: this fic wouldn’t leave my head so I had to write it. I hope that when it’s out of my brain I can get back to my historical fiction AUs.


End file.
